Michelle Heisel

All citizens of post-war Pillar are implanted with a LifeChip. Passions have been neutralized. Lives are controlled. But not Miracle’s. Her prophetic dreams continue to speak to her, and they are telling her to find the Enchiridion of Emmanuel – the ancient book of power and wisdom that will revive and repair the heart of Pillar. Only Mira’s dreams instead lead her right to Nash, a law-abiding Reformer bent on destroying the Enchiridion. Yet when he finds himself without a LifeChip and feels for the first time,his world spins out of control and Mira is in the middle of it. The unlikely pair plunges into battle – for love, for the Enchiridion, and for the truth…only the enemy is much bigger than they imagined.

Do you ever feel like you don’t fit in, no matter how hard you try? When I was young, I often felt this way. Then I asked, “What if I had the power to change the world around me so that I did fit in?” This mindset led me to start many “groups” over the years, all of which created a place to belong. In Pillar’s Fire, the first novel in The Heart of It All series, Mira’s journey, like my own, begins with an inner longing to change her emotionless world to one filled with color and passion, a world where she can fit in and thrive.

Chapter 1

Miracle pressed her forehead against the glass of the dining room window. She could see Pillar’s city park clearly. It was a cold and lonely place, just like her home…her family. It didn’t feel right anymore, not since the episodes started.

“Still working on that history assignment?”

Mira didn’t turn at the sound of her mom’s voice. “Almost done,” she said, prying herself away from the window to go sit at the table. The stiff metal chair she settled into seemed like ice against her skin. She didn’t react, though. She couldn’t let herself. Squinting down at the Newscreen, her city-issued computer tablet used for homework, Mira asked, “Where’s Dad?”

“Too busy to shadow me for once in his life.”

A shadow…good name for him, Mira thought. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course,” her mom said, walking toward the table.

“What was it like…before the war?”

Her mom paused before sitting down beside her. “Isn’t it in your history book?”

“I guess.” Mira swiped a finger across the screen to turn the page. “I just wanted to hear it from you. You were there, right?”

“I was only seven when the war ended, so I don’t remember much.”

“What do you remember?”

Her mom looked toward the hallway. “I remember hiding in the bathtub when the bombs went off,” she said softly. “I remember seeing my teacher being beaten and then killed for what she taught.” She looked down at her hands. “I saw someone thrown off a roof once, too.” She shook her head. “But all that was thirty years ago.” She took a deep breath. “And now we have LifeChips to make sure our world isn’t destroyed by passions ever again.”

Mira looked down at her tablet, which showed the city of Pillar in shambles with dead bodies lying everywhere while others roamed around crying. “Do you remember anything good?”

Her mom shifted in her chair. “Why so many questions?”

That she’d spoken with a soft urgency instead of the usual monotonous rote made Mira want to look up, but she didn’t dare because the pressure behind her eyes suddenly surged. It felt like her brain was expanding and trying to make room by pushing her eyeballs out of their sockets. She shifted sideways so that her back was to her mom. “No reason.” She squeezed her eyes shut, but couldn’t stop their quivering. Go away, her mind begged.

“There has to be a reason.” Her mom gently turned her around to face her and gasped. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Mira jumped up, and after a glance down the hallway that was thankfully still empty, she said, “I’m going to my room to finish my homework.” As she fumbled for the Newscreen, her mom grabbed her arm.

“Let me go.” Mira yanked her arm from her mom’s grasp, but it was too late. Nothing could stop it now. The tablet fell from her hands and her eyes rolled back. “Please! Just give me…” she rasped, “a minute.” She slumped back into her chair as the images flew at her – the deep dark cavity of groaning voices, the man who helped her, who showed her the flashes of color and light in a mysterious world so unlike her own. Slowly, the pressure disappeared, but the vision did not. Finally, she dared to look up. Her mom was crying?

“What…what…” Mira stammered, frowning. “Your LifeChip! It…it…it isn’t working!” She’d never seen her mother like this.

Her mom smiled slightly as she shook her head. “No, it hasn’t for a long time now. I’m one of the lucky .1%, and I’m guessing you are too.” She wiped her tears onto her tan city-issued pants.

In the four years since Mira had turned thirteen, the power of her own LifeChip had been dwindling. And obviously the required implanted chip that dulled and often neutralized their emotions wasn’t working on her mom, either. Grabbing her Newscreen off the floor, Mira said, “You think visions of another world combined with feelings is lucky? Yeah, right.”

Her mom took the tablet from her and laid it on the table. “Let me help you.”

Mira stared at the stranger in front of her. These past four years, Mira had thought she was the only one who had managed to suppress her emotions. Oh, she’d heard about the .1%, but she’d assumed they’d all been sent to the Stint, the place that people from Pillar went to fix their faulty LifeChips. They had their memories eaten away by Amender bugs, too. Her skin crawled at the thought.  “There’s no way to fix this, at least in a way that I’d want,” she rasped.

“You have more options than you think.”

A jittery warmth flooded her core as she visualized a new belief…one that told her that she wasn’t stuck after all. “Really?”

Her mom nodded. “But we need to start with the truth.” She knelt in front of Mira. “Tell me exactly what just happened to you.”

The quiet assurance mixed with a look that said she understood was enough to trigger the tears Mira had worked very hard to hide. She’d wanted to tell someone for so long – someone who could comprehend how she felt. “Why didn’t you tell me about yourself? Or somehow show me…” She brushed away her tears, helpless as the inner ache of aloneness that she’d hidden for years burst free.

Taking Mira’s hands and crushing them between her own, she said, “I’ve been trying to protect you.”

Mira wanted to believe her but didn’t know if she could. “Protect me from what?”

After glancing into the hall that led to her father’s office, her mom whispered, “I thought it was better…safer…that you didn’t know about me. I’m so sorry!” The last came out as a sob as she bowed her head.

Mira stared at the top of it. Her mom’s short blonde hair was styled like the rest of Pillar’s citizens, but the woman she saw here wasn’t like them. She had secrets, and it really looked as if she felt bad about it and in a much more intense way than anyone in Pillar. Mira pressed her hand against the soft flaxen strands. Her mom leaned into her hand and her entire body started to shake with stifled sobs.

“I have these images that come to me,” Mira confessed faintly, “like they did a minute ago. Then they get stuck in my head.”

Her mom slowly lifted her head.  “How often do you have them?”

Mira shrugged. “On and off during the night for the past year, but now I’m having the episodes at various times during the day, too.” Mira let her hand drop to her lap. “I don’t know how much longer I can hide them – or how they make me feel.”

“Okay.” Her mom brushed at her tear-stained cheeks as she stood and wandered over to the window. “Then we’ll go where you don’t need to hide anything,” she said with a loud sniff. She pointed to an area south of Pillar.

“You mean to where the Accordance live?”

She nodded. “A group of them has set up a camp not far from here.”

Mira couldn’t believe what she was hearing!

“I have some supplies stashed just in case I, we… It’ll work. It has to,” her mom said as she began to pace.

Mira’s heart skipped a beat and her mouth suddenly felt like she hadn’t had a drink in a year. “But mom…the ‘Cords…they’re monsters!” Not only did the group of traitors live a lawless, chip-free life, but they were also constantly being hunted by the authorities.

After checking to see if the hallway was still clear, her mom said, “That’s what the L.A.W. wants you to believe.”

The Life After War unit had been formed to rebuild the city of Pillar after passions had nearly destroyed the world. The unit was made up of various groups, but the Reformers were the main enforcers to watch out for. They kept the peace and made sure the city – and everyone’s LifeChips – were in working order…which Mira’s wasn’t.  “So what’s the truth then?”

“I’m not entirely sure but…” She placed her hands on Mira’s shoulders and squeezed. “I’ll explain more on the way. Go pack a few things – only what you can easily carry.”

Mira shook her head. “What if it’s not better out there?”

“If your father finds out about the episodes…” Her mom sat down again on the chair beside her, a deep frown on her face. “Look. I can’t promise you that it will be easy, but I can guarantee that we were meant for more than,” she paused to gaze across the room, “this.”

“I just don’t know.” Mira’s heart hammered in her chest as indecision forced its way through her veins.

“I think your visions will lead us to something better. You said you saw another world, right?”

Mira looked away from her mom’s intense stare to swirl her finger over the tablet’s screen. “I did.” She did want a way out of the monotonous controlled routine of their city – and the controlling thumb of her father – yet she shuddered at the memory of that envisioned dark shadowed world even as her heart leapt at the thought of immersing herself in the colorful one. “But there’s more.”

“Tell me.”

Could her mom know what it all meant? The visions weren’t going away. They were only getting stronger and more frequent. She had to do something. “Okay.” She paused to take a deep breath. “In the vision, I’m standing behind our gate, looking down the hill toward Pillar. Dark shadows like wisps of black smoke weave through the streets until I can barely make out the buildings.” Mira clutched the edges of her seat. “The ground groans as is opens and Pillar begins to shift off its foundation and inch toward it.” She frowned, staring out the dining room window that gave her a view of one of the few cities that had survived the war. “As I watch, I whisper, “No, no.” Disbelieving, I step through the gate to get a closer look, only the hill is entirely slick with mud and I lose my footing. I slide down, down, down toward the gaping hole, trying to grab tree limbs or rocks, but I can’t get a hold of anything.” Her heart raced as if it was really happening even though the cold metal of the chair numbing her clenched fingers told her it wasn’t so. “I plunge into the deep, dark trench, but manage to latch onto a rock jutting out close to the edge.”

“What happened then?” Her mom’s quiet encouraging tone prompted Mira to continue.

Closing her eyes, Mira shuddered, remembering the scene in vivid detail. “I look down into the steamy mist and it suddenly parts, giving me a clear view of a forever-long stretch of dreary road. There is no place to rest. The only sign of water is a dried up bed of clay that looked like it had once been a stream. Everything surrounding me is dead, except I can hear all these voices crying out. I can’t see anyone, though. Somehow, I feel this road is mine to travel alone. That loneliness squeezes my heart until I begin to weep.” Mira rubbed her heart that was aching even now.  “As I scramble to pull myself back up, I see images of things I have only begun to wish for – beauty…joy…love. I grab for them as if they could pull me out of the abyss, but they hover just out of my reach. Why had I gone outside? Why had I stepped closer? The pain of my choice scratches at my core and fills each gouge with new kind of pain, one that is ceaseless, and burning with longing for something I fear I will never have.” Mira’s lips trembled and her eyes filled with tears.

“I wonder…” Her mom’s voice trailed off, and her hand pressed reassuringly against her knee. “Is there more?”

Mira nodded. “I see this man on the other side of the chasm,” she rasped. “He has something on his hands, and he wipes them on his overalls as he skirts the edge and walks toward me. As he gets closer, I can make out the blood-red smear on the pin-striped fabric…his shark’s grin…the look in his eyes. I somehow sense what he wants, and it isn’t to rescue me.” Her stomach churned and she swallowed hard. “I scream so loudly, it hurts my ears, and I frantically pull myself upward, but my shaky arms are too weak. That’s when I see a hand reach down. It’s scarred and calloused. My gaze lifts to the owner whose eyes are soft, yet determined.” The heaviness pressing the air from Mira’s lungs eased a little. “After a glance at the never-ending dismal road below me and the man with the evil stare heading my way, I know in my heart that the hand held out to me is my only hope of rescue. I grab it and the man pulls me to the surface.”

“Who was he?” her mom whispered.

“I don’t know,” Mira admitted. “He didn’t have any remarkable features, but he was muscular. And his welcoming smile along with holding his hand made me feel safe and warm and unafraid.” She got up and wandered to the window to where Pillar stood, dismal, yet solid, like it had since she could remember. “I could also see a different Pillar while I held this guy’s hand.”

“What was Pillar like?”

This part of the vision was much easier to talk about. Mira smiled. “The entrance to the city had pillars of ivory that reflected light in a brilliant way, weaving color throughout the entire city. Kids were swinging on a playset, people were eating, drinking, laughing, their voices blending perfectly. A group stood on the band shell stage, holding different objects in their hands, creating a sound so beautiful, I never wanted it to end. But then it stopped, leaving behind a stunned silence. I looked up at the man holding my hand and he said…” She paused.

Mira’s mom leaned toward her. “What did he say? Tell me what he said!”

“He said, ‘Find me and you’ll find what you seek…it’s where you are meant to be.’” Mira paused, allowing the words to really sink in. She knew, deep down, that she had to find him!

“Did he say anything else?”

Mira shook her head as she again sat down beside her mom. “He disappeared but he left a book, one with a pillar of fire on its cover.”

Her mom clapped a hand over her own mouth, barely muffling her gasp.

Now Mira was starting to freak out. “What, mom?”

Slowly, her mom lowered her hand back to the table. “I thought it was gone forever.” The tight lines in her face relaxed somewhat as she stood.

“You know about this book?”

Soft dark eyes crinkled as she looked at her daughter. “Oh yes. It’s the Enchiridion of Emmanuel,” she said, running her fingers along the chain around her neck. “And maybe, just maybe, if we find it, we can take Pillar back and rebuild it in the way it was meant to be. But we need to keep it a secret for now.”

“What do you want her to keep secret, Addison?” Mira’s dad loomed in the doorway.

Mira froze, but inside, she was screaming in terror that begged to come out. Thankfully, her dad’s attention was on her mom who was carefully straightening her beige button-down shirt. There was no sign of her tears, no hint of any emotion whatsoever.

“I don’t want her to tell that I answered a homework question for her.” She pulled Mira’s tablet along the wooden tabletop. “It is against the school’s rules.”

Her dad stared from one to the other, his face expressionless. As always, he was dressed in the drab uniform that the people of his station always wore. Even though it seemed harder to do this time, Mira swallowed the unpleasant emotion that made her think something bad was definitely going to happen. He can’t see into my mind, she told herself. Yet she wasn’t so sure that was true. His assessment skills had raised their family’s status to one that afforded them a comfortable life – one her mom was asking her to give up…if they’d still have the opportunity.

“You’d better go to bed Mira,” he finally said.

She obeyed, looking at the floor as she escaped upstairs to her room. She paused, leaning back against her door, listening intently. But her parents were too far away to hear unless they shouted, and people in Pillar rarely raised their voices. After a few moments, she prodded herself to move – in case her dad came to see if she’d obeyed his orders.

As was her routine, she headed to the bathroom. The single bulb of the groom-bot – a small multi-armed unit mounted onto the wall – lit up as she entered. Like the rest of the house, this room was functional but colorless. A single shower stall stood opposite the steel toilet. And beside that was a matching sink. According to history, window-sized mirrors used to hang over bathroom sinks, a tool that had been used to spark vanity and competition. Right now, Mira wished she had one to determine if her face was as expressionless as she thought, but the only mirrors anyone in Pillar had were smaller than her palm and used only for identifying and caring for injuries. Pressing her palms against the edge of the cold sink, the groom-bot zipped into action. It used a measured amount of toothpaste to brush her teeth and a squirt of soap on a damp cloth to wash her face. Another of its arms combed through her short hair.

That done, she went into her bedroom and quickly changed into her sleep clothes. Jumping beneath the covers of her twin bed, she stared at the grey walls. A sick feeling curled inside her. How much had her dad heard? And what would he do to her mom, and to her? Then the pressure started behind her eyes again. “Already?” she whispered. She pressed her palms against her eyes, but she knew that pushing it back was as likely as convincing a butterfly to move back into his cocoon. All the scenes she’d ever imagined came, one after the other. “Leave me alone,” she said more loudly than she’d intended. But the images didn’t stop until the door to her room opened.

“It’s time to go,” her mom said, and threw her a jacket.

Mira followed her mom outside, but stopped at the waist-high fence that surrounded their property. “Wait. Will this be the last time I’m here?” Mira whispered.

Her mom reached for the gate as she glanced back at the house. “Probably.”

The ache in Mira’s chest was growing, and she didn’t know what to do about it. An arm came around her, as did her mom’s quiet voice. “Good-byes are never easy, especially when you don’t know what you’ll be saying hello to. But it’s now that you have to make the choice,” she said. “You can go where this is leading you, or you will probably be forced to get a new LifeChip and in the least, have the memories of these visions extracted.”

Mira didn’t like either alternative. “Can’t we just go on as we are?”

Her mom shook her head. “You aren’t going to be able to hide this much longer. If your father overheard us earlier, it may already be too late to turn back.”

Thank you for reading Pillar’s Fire! I hope you enjoyed getting to know Mira and Nash and that you are curious about the true and transformational power of the Enchiridion of Emmanuel. The Enchiridion (pronounced /eNGkəˈridēən, enkī-/) is defined as a book containing essential information on a subject. Emmanuel means God is with us. Although the Enchiridion of Emmanuel is a fictitious name for the Bible – the Word of God – it emphasizes two facets of its beauty: God’s Word as a guide and God’s Word being His Son who came to this earth to show us who God is and to sacrifice Himself to save us from the evil that keeps drawing us closer to the abyss.

Bible verse favorites for this book:

Psalm 119:105 – “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.”

John 14: 5-7 – “Lord,” said Thomas, “we do not know where You are going, so how can we know the way?” Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me. If you had known Me, you would know My Father as well. From now you do know Him and have seen Him.”

2 Samuel 6:14 – “Wearing a linen ephod, David was dancing before the Lord with all his might…”

Song favorites for this book:

Come Alive (Dry Bones) – Lauren Daigle

This Is Living – Hillsong Young & Free

God’s Not Dead – Newsboys

A Personal Journey of Discovery:

The Bible is God’s gift to us…it’s the way we can uncover who we really are and how we fit into this thing we call life. It is rational, experiential, relational, and relatable too! And it’s filled with powerful stories of God’s love and grace, and His work in and through even the worst of us. We can trust that the Bible is true for many reason – historical accuracy and reliability, archaeological proof, scientific observations, and prophesies, to name a few. Dig deeply for the truth with all your heart and the truth will be revealed to you.

Jesus is the most awesome, fascinating, loving, and brilliant person to have walked the earth. It shouldn’t be surprising, because, as Jesus Himself claimed, He was God in the flesh. What’s just as amazing is that His perfectness and His perfect love (shown by sacrificing His life for ours) keeps all of us who trust in Him from life-ending destruction as He scoops us up into His arms of saving grace.